A Letter from a Mother to her Autistic Son
To Justin, my son with Autism.
I am sorry.
I’m sorry that it took me so long to understand that your brain works differently. I’m sorry I didn’t get it. I’m sorry I grew frustrated with you so much and had a short fuse when you were only acting out what your physical body needed to stop from hurting or feeling uncomfortable at that given moment. I’m sorry you spent your formative years believing you were not good enough, or stupid, as you so often would tell me that you were. I’m sorry I did not realize just how amazing your gifts are, and how sweet and loving your spirit is. I’m sorry I did not provide the right resources for you sooner, though I know you chose me as your mom for a reason and we are walking this journey together.
Please forgive me.
Forgive me for all the times I disciplined you and thought you knew better. You didn’t. Forgive me for sometimes viewing your disability as mine, using it to feel sorry for myself, or worse – to gain sympathy from others. Forgive me for putting you in situations you were not equipped to handle. Forgive me for being inconsistent with rules and messages, as if things aren’t confusing enough in your world. Forgive me for all the times I wanted to give up.
Thank you for being you. Thank you for accepting me as your caregiver, your teacher, your guide. Thank you for all the gifts you bring into my life every day. Thank you for inspiring me to rise above my perceived circumstances and start to help others. I would not be following my heart’s song without you. Thank you for not giving up on ME. Thank you for trusting that everything is working out exactly as it’s supposed to.
I love you.
I love you exactly as you are, today, in this moment. You are not broken. You do not need to be fixed or forgiven. You are all a mother could ask for. I will love you no matter where this journey takes us. All you have to do is keep being you and keep your heart open.
Written by Debi Taylor
Posted on Facebook page : Single Mothers who have Children with Autism
January 7th, 2013